2:30 AM: I call Mom and wish her for her birthday. She complained that I shouldn’t have done so, because Dad picked up first and since I called at midnight (Bahrain time), he would guess it was her birthday. Dad hasn’t remembered her birthday in decades. That was a weird conversation. Maybe because I expected different reactions from her.

I don’t remember falling asleep.

1:oo PM: I wake up in an empty house. I got ready and went to the closest KFC to get something to eat. I called one of my “best” friends who said we’ll go to a movie today, he was already at the movies with another friend of mine. He forgot that he promised me about it. What a way to start a day off from studies.

Speed, it beats caffeine.

2:00 PM: I called my friend in the hospital who is attached to a dialysis machine and tried to give her some inspiration to live through this year until she finds a kidney donor or something. I felt my meaningless words ring inside my head. I lack inspiration even to pick myself up from bed every morning. Let alone giving somebody else some support.

My bike told me that there are no more gears left.

3:00 PM: I’m at the nearest Hooka place. I smoked till my eyes started watering. Some habits I brought along to India from Bahrain.

I dream about home.

8:00 PM: I get enough neurons firing in my dead brain telling me its dark and I should head back home.

I ride slow. I didn’t want the numbing sound of the city to die behind me. The magic city, which taught me what loosing something felt like. Then, I picked up speed and gave in to the music.

9:00 PM: I leave home again and go to my friends house. I ran into the last person I wanted to meet. Alice. She said Hi. I waited for 6 seconds due to shock, before I replied with a feeble um,…Hi. It felt like hours. My heart started pounding. She asked me to sit, but I turned on my heal and closed the door behind me. I walked away. Weird. I wish so much everyday that I could run to her and hug her. But I’m defined more by the opportunities I miss than the ones I take. So be it.

I pushed my bike to its limits. The dark world was a blur. The pain from seeing her and hearing her voice was gradually receding inside as I paid more attention to the heavy base guitar playing in my iPod. The wind against my face was numbing.

9:20 PM: I met an old friend 8 kilometers away. He talked about bryan addams. The anti-pop blood running inside my veins couldn’t stand bryan addams so I decided to go back home.

I fly, again. Fingers numb. Loud trumpets in my ears.

I took a day off from everything and I find that yet again, I don’t fit in anywhere. Not even inside my own mind. I would have enjoyed this day, if I had someone to share it with. But sadly, that wasn’t the case. Its never the case.

My room mates slept without even saying good night. I feel like I’m loosing my mind all over again.

Hey there! Ru has been a little busy for a while, so he is averaging about a blog every moon cycle or so. If you are lucky, you'll get to see a new blog entry and know what he's upto. And when you are here, just let him know by leaving a comment.