Atheism.

Religion is like breakfast. Its the most important meal of the day and without it, nothing goes the way you want. It gives you the energy to keep moving, to keep trying in your day’s work even if its not easy.

I like wine with my meals and quite often, I drink more than I should. My bottle of wine represents a lot of things. Its the draught that relieves me of my stress, It was my savior’s blood, and then, its a part of the recipe for perdition.

To betray your own blood is a sin. Then what of betraying god’s blood? When I used to go to church, I promised to Jesus that I will always stand for what he stood for, as a thanks for the things he has done for me. I used to have my meal only after grace. Then I find myself walking another path, one in which I’m no longer keeping my promise. One that I chose over my promises. I drink to the fact that I’m no longer governed by the Bible. What happened to me?

Mark 3:29; But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

I blasphemed against a lot of things, Holy Spirit being one of them. Since as long as I can remember the wine ruled my life. Controlled my every move. Controlled your every move. It had a hold over you. It still does, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it. I’m of course, talking about all those who were once christian.

I did not choose the path of Atheism suddenly. The blood of christ has always been portrayed as the wine. There was a crimson taste that filled my mouth each time I look a sip and there was a smell of strawberries about. Religion was my sedative; I could feel nothing outside, see nothing that pulled me away from it, and I was drowning in its perfection. The blood red wine was clouding my vision of the world. Making me forget my years of torment. As if the blood of Jesus was healing my wounds. It was inside me beating, pulsing and pounding at the gate of my soul. The sweet crimson liquid was holding me too tight. Thats when you realize what’s been happening to you all alone. You are becoming addicted. I was addicted to religion.

You should only pour a little wine into the recipe, or you will ruin the flavor. I started looking beyond the Bible, explored other religions that did not respect my savior’s blood. How I loathed them, How I regarded them too unimportant, I can only imagine. I realized later on, how similar all the religions are, when one day the priest said “There is only one God, just different names” at an evening mass reading (Related post). The amount of knowledge I saw in volumes upon volumes about Hinduism, Islam, Zen and Buddhism was mind blowing.

It was an insatiable search for knowledge. That’s the beauty of knowledge– it’s self-sustaining. It triggers your thirst for more. That’s what makes browsing wikipedia so addictive. Evolution, genetics, paleontology, astronomy, particle physics and the list goes on. How could I have missed all of that was in-front of me all along? I’m intoxicated with the thought that we just might find some slip of treasure, some sliver of heaven that pierces directly to the soul, that strikes the strings of the heart. I walked slowly, step by step, realized that there was a whole world out there. At first I was in confusion. The pain of it all, to let go of what I had believed for so long. Becoming an Atheist. I thought I was stepping into the dark underworld, but however, it was my enlightenment. It was my last meal that followed grace.

If knowledge takes me to perdition and unalterable spiritual ruin; thats one trip I’m sure I wont need a book at hand to pass the time. I realized all the beauty, knowledge and human and divine compassion is not confined to just one book. Its out there. Waiting for you, at your arms reach. Just like a glass of wine.

Hey there! Ru has been a little busy for a while, so he is averaging about a blog every moon cycle or so. If you are lucky, you'll get to see a new blog entry and know what he's upto. And when you are here, just let him know by leaving a comment.