-An Atheist’s thoughts on heaven, a logical one.
(Started writing this story when I was in Bahrain. Finishing it in Bangalore, an year later.)
The church was a warm comfort compared to the cold outside, and my footsteps created a solid echo that was hampered only by the low murmur of conversation and the dull explosion of fireworks. I followed a pretty little girl inside as she looked for a good spot to sit in as I looked around the beige walls and hard brown pews. She sat near the aisle and knelt in prayer before I even found a place to sit or had a chance to take my jacket off. I looked over her with pondering eyes; her head bent for the wooden cross that hung on the opposite wall. I had looked up into his sorrowful, understanding eyes and gave a nod of respect before sitting down.
This was a new experience for me. I had been to The Sacred Heart church in Manama many times before, usually consisting of a rabble of children trying to covertly talk during the sermon while fending off the biting cold. The last time I had been in church was when I was alone looking for the old writings on the walls of the mother church that I wrote when I attended bible classes in this church. The more I learned the bible, the more I walked down the path of being an Atheist. This was different though. This was a friendly place. I don’t believe in the Heaven described in any religious textbooks, but I’m just trying to think through a Logical Theists’ (Don’t laugh! they do exist, I think) perspective. A Logical theist is a person who don’t reject Logic and Scientific proofs of creation, but still believe in the fundamental concepts of Theology.
The loud tolling of the bell in the distance echoes throughout the hallow walls of the gigantic church. The large double doors swing open, light pouring into the dimly lit place. I walked out into the bight light with alot of thoughts in my mind. The effect of the place was spectacular. My thoughts were silenced, as if everything was answered. For a moment, it felt like heaven.
Do you believe in Heaven?
Not as in angels flapping around all dressed in white, playing harps and some saint at the golden gates, but some form of Heaven? And not as in simply believing in an afterlife, but believing in a Heaven, specifically. Not being dependent upon there being a Hell or there even being a God, but being dependent upon what you yourself think. As in, if you believe there’s a Heaven when you die, there is. If you don’t, there’s not.
Heaven is a hard concept for many to grasp. There are those who would think of heaven as a truly dull, boring place or as a place with endless joy. Who wants to live in the clouds, where all there is singing and worship? Well, I can only assume heaven is nothing like our strange delusions – the classical idea of walking in an endless mass of clouds and blue. And how could heaven possibly be ‘paradise’ if it is the same for everyone? If it is an eternity of clouds? Who would want that? I should think no one. I can only assume that heaven – being an eternal paradise – will be different for every soul – that’s not to say we will all be separated – more likely everyone perceives it differently.
If heaven is a collection of what remains, then it must soak in endless loss. Maybe its just the screams of saints. The despair of the innocents. The blood of failure. What has the human race ever done on earth thats “heavenly”? We are an unreasonable race. We slash and burn everything in-front of us. Each other and the earth itself.
The universe wastes nothing. Everything that ever existed or will exists was a part of something else before. All matter is simply transformed. The human body is also made up of the same “stuff” that exists in all complex life forms on this planet. For what’s inside the body, the soul – Most theologists say, “Just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist” and Atheists respond, “Most things that can’t be seen by our naked eye can be measured, felt, or picked up by one or the other human technology”. Maybe the answer lies in “Human Technology”. Maybe the soul can only be felt by another soul or it can only interact by what ever it is the soul is made up of (No, I’m not talking about ectoplasm in ghostbusters). Everything started with a bang, and as suggested, the universe is shrinking back to where it started. I think the universe follows a perfect wave form, explosion, implosion, and explosion again. Maybe humans are too unimportant to be saved or maybe we are, along with everything else that “lives”.
Life it seems, will fade away. Alot of people die everyday. As humans, we feel sad. We can’t hold on to the memory for ever. Soon, everything that dies will die again, within our minds. But as I said before, the universe never wastes anything. It could all be stored somewhere, or everywhere. Maybe heaven is the “after-implosion” part of the big bang, until it explodes again or another dimension. Maybe thats where the opposites, or the other side of the coin exists.
I used to believe that heaven, or religion for that matter, was what ever the believer believed. As in, every body is in charge of every soul & their body, and thus decides what will happen to it. A spiritual will, if it suits you. But only for a given amount of time – then, we loose control. It all goes back into the blender. Alot of smart people tried to explain it, including Jesus (if he had existed) and other prophets. But it was misinterpreted, just like everything else they tried to explain. It doesn’t matter what it really is. You know what it is to you. Thats all that matters. Just don’t try to kill what others think about it.
I don’t believe to be put up in-font of a court under the all powerful God, counting my steps on earth. I don’t live to arrive in a place of peace with a well preserved soul. I rather turn to ashes than dust when I’m done with my time on earth. I guess I’ll know for sure when it turns black. Death Greets me warm with my answers, now I will just say goodbye.
Its christmas eve, I’m all alone here. Apparently, everyone thinks its better to leave the grinch alone. I might ask too many questions. Here’s a toast to all those who hear me all too well. A toast to this night.
Hey there! Ru has been a little busy for a while, so he is averaging about a blog every moon cycle or so. If you are lucky, you'll get to see a new blog entry and know what he's upto. And when you are here, just let him know by leaving a comment. 
