Death, it has always the most captivate, dark, unknown and sometimes scariest part of the lifeprocess – for those who believe in an afterlife and for those who don’t alike.

I’ve never wanted to be buried in a church cemetery with a cross over my head. Reminds me of the joke “All dressed up and no place to go“. A cross that I never had much respect for. Its not exactly the cross that I don’t have respect for. Its the people who used it that is the reason for my lack of respect for an ancient symbol that survived centuries of history.

When does a person become dead? Is it when the heart stops beating? Is it when the last pulse rushes through the brain? Is it when the eyes die? When does death of a person become scientific and not emotional? Is it when the last person they knew die? or is it when last person that knew them dies?

When you see a dead body, what is it that makes us feel alive and dead at the same time? I’m not a perfect person. There are many things I wish I didn’t do. But I keep learning from my mistakes. Its the result of all the mistakes that I did that makes me who I am. Not the many rights I might have done.

Atheists do not believe in afterlife. Strong Atheists say they can disprove the theory of afterlife. Christians believe in the opposite. Weak Atheists don’t claim to disprove it, but they don’t believe either. A weak atheist like me, would trade anything to be as sure as either of them are.

I know, that in time, people I know are going to die, at least some of them before I do. It will create a huge gap in my world, a gap that’ll never be filled. Those who will not have a grave that I can visit, will remain a greater sorrow than those that left a physical place to remember. Should that gap be worsened for those who will miss me too? Should I choose not to be buried in a cemetery?

I was raised a Catholic. Sure I’ve walked through the cemetery at night to prove how brave I was. I did it with my belief that there are no ghosts. Those were steps which deepened my roots in Atheism. I think about my death and being put in a grave now and again. I do not want have a cross over my dead remains after I pass on. But is it my decision to make?

But the only thing I am sure about is this – If I’m buried in a traditional catholic grave, I will have atleast one person there with pansies. The sweet little purple, red and white flowers that symbolises free thought. The pansy derives its name from the French word pensée, which means “thought”. It was so named because the flower resembles a human face, and in the month of August it nods forward as if deep in thought. Atleast one person who respects what I stood for when I was alive. But if I don’t have a grave, my ashes will be flowing as a part of wind, earth and air across the places that I never made it to. And settle down with mother earth over time, or go back into the blender, until the end of days.

I hope their smiles don’t fade. Because I’ll be smiling at the time of my death. They say your whole life flashes in front of you a second before death. I’ll not be waiting for salvation, because I’ll be thinking “Lets do it one more time!”. Sure I’ll be smiling at a well spend life. How hard can it be compared to living in a world with people who can’t trust, love or respect each other? =)

Hey there! Ru has been a little busy for a while, so he is averaging about a blog every moon cycle or so. If you are lucky, you'll get to see a new blog entry and know what he's upto. And when you are here, just let him know by leaving a comment.