- I’ve always wanted to use this title.

I just wish I never had an almost perfect life.

Another turn and I’m just a boy stuck in the road. Time grabs & drags you along directions you never knew. So I’ve always made the best out of it without asking why. I’ve always poured over the ultimate question; the meaning of life, which -I’m sure- is a question asked by each and every one of those who have been blessed -or cursed- with the gift of free thought. As summers & winters pass you by, you realize that life is not a question, but a lesson learned in time!

Life is always something unpredictable -cruel to some- fair to the rest. Personally, I think my life has always offered me with enough opportunities and choices, of which; some can even be considered too luxurious. I’ve missed out on some, but still - I’m just too lucky, compared to most of my fellow beings. Time moves so fast, the innocent can never endure the cruel and unforgiving world.

One of my college mate’s Dad passed away the night before. Her family was already on their way back to Kerala with their dead father, when I heard the story from her boyfriend at college today morning. He is in terrible state, worried if she would ever return to college-After all, they have only met when this semester started, hardly a month ago. Leave him; I want to talk about the girl’s fate. Her incident puts so much focus on the plush & almost perfect life that I’ve lived. I just don’t know what would be my state if -gulp- something like that was ever to come my way.

I lived as I pleased, not considering what others’ lost or gained - in Bahrain, Cochin & all the places I’ve been to. I drove the open highway of life at full speed not giving a seconds’ thought about who I overtook or sideswiped (excuse the expressions; it’s just the biker in me trying to get out). I know, I’m not going to live forever and all that comfort which surrounds me today won’t stand that that long. I’ve never bend or backed down for others. I’ve always taken what I wanted without a second thought. This somehow reminds me of something I’ve read somewhere, referring greatly to the book of Lucifer. “You are your own God, pay homage to yourself, as you would to God” or something like that. These are things that a religious person would consider as a “sin”, but as you all know, Sin is just another word for me. It has lost its effects just like the word God.

I manipulate others for my personal gains. I used to consider that as a great sin, back in the old days, when I used to have faith. This might sound too much like a confession, but I’m sure you are just like me, once you stop lying to yourself – whether a believer or not.

To readers: I’m not that naive to believe that you are all angels.

This slash & burn technique isn’t all that different from what the Catholic Church had been doing to all those who had conflicting viewpoints from the beginning of the 1st century (not a very good move by an Atheist like me who is against the church).

On the other side of life, the one which I call “the unlucky side”, I see people going to bed on empty stomachs, walking miles and waiting for hours under the scorching sun just to fetch a pail of water. They can’t even stop to think about tomorrow when they are too preoccupied with today; they don’t even have the luxury of time -not to mention, the piece of mind to ponder over the ultimate question -which was one of my greatest worries. Just imagine, your worries about income taxes and credit card bills are not even what the unlucky side would consider as worth a cents’ thought. Maybe I’m over exaggerating things, but it doesn’t hurt to think -since that’s something we can all afford.

I could spend a day or two, walking in someone else’s shoes, but I think I’ll stumble & fall eventually. Every moment, I fail to realize that I’m surrounded by luxury and enough & more money – most of which is always wasted on silly & unwanted things. My flight tickets & visa for Bahrain this December is waiting for pickup; Reason for visit? Pleasure! Cruel as it might sound to the unlucky side. Even right now, I’m sitting in front of one of the best desktop computers someone can have, with the best assembly that I’ve personally picked for my sister only 9 days ago. Listening to music on my 30 gig iPod, two of my three phones in my pockets, & my bro’s laptop waiting for the final draft of this blog entry at the far end of the table. I can easily add up to 8000$ worth of gizmos and techno-crap just by taking a look on this desk alone. I want more than what this world has to offer –I can’t believe where I got strength to let my readers know about my deepest secrets!

My weekends are filled with fun, hanging around with friends, partying, shopping and dinning out. Crackers worth a couple of thousands this Diwali Festival was yet another thing. On second thought, I never really approved spending money on things you are just going to burst (I’m not into celebrations, I dislike all of it. I’m a grinch when it comes to christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, you name it!) But Robinson (sister’s husband) has always been a crackers freak and I thought I should just hang along. Its comparatively less fun nowadays since there is a lot of stress on my shoulders by my studies, but I’m still a teenager at heart – and amazingly, I live that way everyday.

I look at the photographs and still frames that I keep stacked in my shelves. They are like tattoos inked into your skin. It just silently reminds you that it was worth all the while. Some say that at the moment of your death, all of your life flashes before your eyes. To me, it won’t be a moment of despair- but rather, I would be more than happy to re-live all the fun that I’ve ever had in my days – not a single day was wasted. I know, I will be saying “Life well spent” as my time on earth runs out.

In the end, I hope you had the time of your life.

Life is what you make of it! It rains on everyone, but the eagle soars above the dark clouds & thunderstorms. What makes us different is just attitude. You only get one shot, take it!

www.rubenbabu.com
Bangalore (c) 2007

note: the images used in this entry make no sense. so does life.

Ruben is really bored. So you can email him by clicking here. He usually gets back in 3 minutes or it could take up to 3 weeks depending on how addicted he is, to stumbleupon.  Been a little busy for a while, so I'm averaging about a blog every 2 moon cycles. If you are lucky, you'll get to see a new blog entry and know what I'm upto. And when you are here, just let me know by leaving a comment.